But while bliss, love and light flowed – a darker side in the unconscious of my being constantly probed the surface making its presence known. The shadow force. We all have it within us and we all experience it. “Everyone carries a shadow,” Jung wrote in Psychology and Religion, “and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”
As I announced my plans to attend a 200hr Yoga Teacher Training, a friend exclaimed, “Oh my gosh you’re going to have the best experience ever. You’ll be pooing rainbows the whole time!”
Do you remember the last time you planned a vacation? What kinds of thoughts and feelings did you imagine for your experience?
You probably envisioned the exciting new adventure you were about to embark on. The pleasure of exploring a new environment - whether a local hotel or ancient rainforest. Delicious food and pleasant company. Maybe even the legendary tan you would get and how radiant this would make you feel.
Most of us avoid thinking of any pain or discomfort we might receive while on vacation. We don’t want to imagine the stomach virus that could leave us up all night by the toilet. The frustration that can build between travelling partners or the irritation of being immersed in a foreign culture.
It’s natural to romanticize these experiences. After all we usually invest a lot of time, energy and money into planning them. So we want them to be good.
When I boarded the plane to Bali for my Yoga Teacher Training, I could have filled every seat of the jumbo 747 with the positive expectations I had for the experience. And it was truly epic. Surfing at sunrise on top of golden crested waves. Learning all day about a movement discipline and lifestyle I am so passionate about. Meeting amazing open-hearted beings who trained alongside me.
But while bliss, love and light flowed – a darker side in the unconscious of my being constantly probed the surface making its presence known. The shadow force. We all have it within us and we all experience it. “Everyone carries a shadow,” Jung wrote in Psychology and Religion, “and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”
We have a misconception that during joyous experiences in life the shadow should - 'fuck off!' and leave us alone. Doubt. Fear. Worry. Feelings of not being enough should all have a restraining order placed against them. But if this was the case the shadow wouldn't be doing its job. We can only know great joy in life with the reference point of sorrow.
The more we shun our shadow to the corner of our life, the more violent it will try to make its presence known. Anxious feelings begin to take over our consciousness more and more. We feel depressed for no apparent reason. While our energy levels plummet.
Both the ancient yogis and Buddhists point to the kleshas as the causes of suffering. In relation to the shadow there are two that apply. Raga is an attachment to pleasure where we constantly seek to be happy and hold onto these feelings despite their temporal nature. Dvesha is the opposite of raga, aversion to things that produce unpleasant experiences.
When we begin to understand bliss, love and light are not something to grasp onto, while the shadow is not something to be repulsed by, we can begin to heal our suffering. On your next vacation you will experience feelings of frustration, fear or whatever concoction the shadow can brew up. While going about your normal daily routine of work, school or buying groceries can elicit great pleasure. Anticipate the shadow in your life, be grateful for its presence, and know when the dark clouds part your rainbow will shine that much brighter.
Written by Michael James Toru Walsh